For those of you lovelies that aren't aware, I am with child,...again....surprised? So were we! I feel thrilled and overwhelmed all mixed in with a little heart burn and a lot of nausea.
Suddenly I notice every mother toting around TWO small children. My mind starts racing on how they do it....Lately I haven't been up to doing much of anything except laying on the couch throwing my little mister his toys or fruit snacks on to my nice rug and watching him scurry around picking them up as fast as his little body will allow him. I suppose that counts as something.
Last week I saw my little blueberry of a babies heart beat, it made everything seem a little more real like the unruly mess of a women I have been lately might because my body is making something wonderful happen.......The Husbands theory is now I have an excuse to act unruly. Either way something extraordinary will come from this. At least that is what I have been reminding myself about 1,440 times through out the day.
Why I am acting/feeling like this!? I am sure tomorrow I will read this post and laugh because it was written after 11:00 p.m. the time when everything either seems a lot harder or better yet way funnier then it actually is...I mean lets not forget who I married. The man is way to sweet and helpful for me to even think for a second that this will be a two against one game. I guess my big concern is Monday - Friday 7:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m. when it will be me and my two little darlings. My older sisters all seem to handle motherhood with such grace...here is to a miracle happening on my behalf and to me waking up with their wisdom and confidence to come what may and love it.
Maybe I am discouraged because I had envisioned myself being more in control this time around. Instead of hopelessly falling back in to the same patterns that became characteristically mine during my first pregnancy. I feel guilty for even writing this knowing how tremendously blessed I am to be able to carry another child. This is what I have always dreamt about. I mean I was made to be a mother.
If this the role I have always wanted? Then why am I so nervous/scared? In reality this is an adventure in which I have the privilege to be a part of.
I realize that is so much easier said then done but here is my bucket list (bucket list seems less intimidating then goals. weird...I know.) During the next 32 weeks of gestation.
1. Remember that I am not in charge. But stay close to the one that is.
2. If all goes according to plan in May I will be a loving Mother of two.
3. While I have had a rough start in the weight department all is not lost. I will keep a food
journal every single day until I deliver. I can do this. I can {will} also drink a gallon of water every day.
4. My gym membership is not there to make me feel guilty it is for me to drag my tired morning sick bum off the couch and do something worthwhile for myself and growing baby. Go at least twice a week.....and only because the little mister never seems to mind the weather I will go on at least a 10 minute walk with him every single day.
5. Last but not least try to look as Spicy as Candi and Noreen have been looking during their pregnancies. every single day.
Note to self: this means taking a shower before noon.
xoxoxo
love cate
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