You can call me Mom

“You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms.”

Author: Neal A. Maxwell  (he is a favorite of mine)   
Tonight both my children were calling out to me....

For quite sometime both of my children have  referred to me as "DAD" has humorous as I and everybody that over hears them refer to me as that have found it and as awesome as it has been when I asks my sweet children "who do you want to change your bum, Mom or Dad?".....My heart has been aching to hear my sweet children call me "Mom." 

Mom is such an all encompassing word I love all it stands for..making it it such an enduring term. It is an honor (but doesn't always feel that way ;)

So tonight when they were both yelling impatiently "Mommmm, mommm" I hesitated responding and completely soaked in the moment. Sweet music to my ears. 

Smiling that I am their Mom!

Because the night they were born so was I....

photos by Yan Palmer (she and this session deserve a post all to themselves ;)

You can see even more of our family photos HERE. I just love them!

“Don’t be ashamed, because shame is not productive. Shame only makes addictions worse because it leads to despair, not hope.”

addiction happens to GOOD people- people who are loving and kind and wonderful. Many times, these addictions start as curiosity and them burst into a full-fledged flame of unstoppable need.

Cursing....is it okay when it has to do with your 10 favorite digits??? My Winnie seems to think so...

I have never had a problem with cursing....I mean c'mon my Mother raised me to be a lady....or so she thought....A few weeks ago it was in the morning and Kyler and I were frantically rushing around getting ourselves (and two little ones) ready for the day when something happened that caused both of us to stop dead in our tracks. Our little so incredibly sweet soft spoken Winnie stubbed her toe.....

And exclaimed in the cutest little voice "Gosh *Dang*-it!!" WHAT?!?.... Kyler quickly looked over at me in disbelief! Shaking his head (and having a very hard time masking his smile I might add :) In a drawn out voice heavily laced with accusation.... "CAAAAAATE...." I stood there wide eyed wearing an expression of contriteness!! It was an exact replay of me the night before....

Whoops....

I was guilty......and that was for "*dang* sure...."

If she wasn't so incredibly sweet and it hadn't caught us off guard  I think I might of felt a tiny bit {more like a heavy dose} of shame. But luckily for me and my conscious any guilt was quickly over shadowed by how darling she is....

I mean you have to admit that is kind of incredibly funny! Especially for a little lady with so few words as it is!

But since I do want to keep my status as a lady.....On my girls scouts honor I vow to do quit cursing completely!!....You may want to consider reading this post in order to fully comprehend the weight of such a lofty promise...{wink-wink}

Oh how we are loving the little personality that is emerging....trust me when I say it is a good one. She loves to dance and shake her tiny little bum whenever music might comes on bopping her little shoulders and saying "huba-huba!"

Is ^ that even my child I am writing about?!? Her spunky personality has to be some wonderful recessive gene!! I have it by good authority that both of her parents are in fact introverts. 

Don't be alarmed she picked up the above phrase from a children cartoon and not from me......but no shave November is doing my husband gooood...so maybe I will have to chant it right along with Winnie (Jett just started saying it too and it is equally as darling) when their Daddy gets home from work today;)

But back to the toe...Anyone who has had the unfortunate event of their large toe having a excruciating run in with a hard object knows that it hurts like heck!! And mandatory cursing is okay.... as long as you are age 1 and under ;) Sorry folks....I don't make the rules I just occasionally/apparently have broken them....

Tonight Kyler came up stairs and in the tone of voice that should be used when you say something like "hey do you want some popcorn?" or something equally exciting he tells me he stubbed his toe! I give him a sympathetic are you okay without even looking down....Just ensuring my title of wife of the year ;)

Then I look down....and immediately wish I hadn't!!

Holy smokes.....his toe nail was practically gone! It was pulsing blood.  He claims it's because his big toe has an actual heart beat! I bandaged and drugged him up the very best I could! Trying to make him comfortable.. Taking the saying waiting on him hand and "foot" to a whole new level! I am not a nurse but I do have a sister and friend that are so thats gotta' count for something....right? ;) But I think he may have broke it!

Web MD  and I are voting we go the the doctors and have it checked out! Kyler and his pride are voting not too.

He didn't even swear!

What an amazing man!!! It is clear Winnie and I both have a thing or two to learn from him!
He really is awesome!  

Tragically...

Sandals will likely never look the same.....at least that is what I keep reminding him...ha
Yep, he didn't think that was funny either! 

Oh and sorry to disappoint anyone but I didn't take any pictures....because you guys are disappointed right? ;)

10 tips on parenting

There is something about a large round belly or a toddler in tow that attracts advice giving people. Most of the time I love it! Oh sure there are times when it isn't quite as well received or dare I say even welcome?

But since a few of the tips and tricks others have so willingly shared have completely changed the way I try to parent my two small children I have come to appreciate the advice from others. I am the first to admit that I don't know what the heck I am doing!!

These are my top 5 favorite tidbits: enjoy.

1. When you are at your wits ends with your children spouse love them more. I will grab my rambunctious 3 year old and squeeze him and say "I love you to much to let you do that."

2. Take a breath before you react. So simple right? Yet the effect is profound. In that split second I am able to save my children from myself. I respond to them a bit calmer and not with a swat on the bottom ;)

3. Tell your child what you would like to happen not what you don't want to happen. Example "Keep the milk in your cup please." Instead of " don't spill your milk." Because guess what as soon as you say the second phrase guess where the milk goes.....This one has been tricky for me but I am improving!

4. In a study I read it mentioned that there are 9 minutes in every day that have the greatest impact on a child. The first 3 minutes of your childs day, when you first greet them after  school or for younger children after a nap and then the last 3 minutes before you say good night. This is the time to touch them and make happy.

5. The last thing actually takes 10 minutes but has made THE biggest impact friends and that is having 10 minutes with out any distractions where you are simply with your child. You are at their level, letting them take the lead. There is nothing  or nobody more important in those few moments then them. They lead and you follow = them feeling so incredibly loved and connected almost magically improving their behavior. MAGIC!

My favorite mothering websites are:
-Power of Moms (They Leave you feeling empowered and excited about motherhood)
-Positive Parenting solutions (that lady has the answers to everything!)

Favorite books:
- Deliberate motherhood 12 powers
-The 10 basic principles of good parenting
-Duct tape parenting (I have yet to read this one but have only heard wonderful things)

Almond flour cookie recipe: sometimes we like to break rules.

On Sunday morning Kyler announced that he was going to make us breakfast! I smiled and pulled the covers over my head! You can imagine the thrill and happy squeals when he pulled those morsels of heaven right out of the oven!

Cookies for breakfast!? I was secretly just as thrilled! And amazingly enough my children did excellent through 2 out of 3 hours of our Sunday services (Winnie was our  little social butterfly during sacrament  she felt a  dire need to make her rounds and visit all the surrounding pews ...that little lady can work a crowd ;)

I mean like really good, as in when we were pulling out of the parking lot I was cheerful and not on the verge of tears! That was a phenomenon I realistically didn't expect to happen for at least another decade!!

Which led me to ask that man of mine what he put in those things? Almond flour.

You can find our recipe of choice here. Enjoy. May they work magic on your family as they did mine! I can't help but hope this is a tradition in the making!

Oh and the best way to eat these cookies are naked!! just ask Winnie ;)

Wild kittens my first ever GIVEAWAY!

Our home in Idaho came complete with the most charming front porch and two barn {garage} cats.  Grandma Thea and her son Tommy. Winnie loved to feed them, they caught mice for us. It was the beginning of simple and beautiful working relationship.

Just weeks after we moved in my parents came to visit. They warned, cautioned and advised us to have those cats fixed.... and don't delay it! I gave them my girl scouts honor that I most surely would. It would take top priority.

Then I forgot. I mean after all moving to a new state with toddlers in tow is not exactly a walk in the park.

Grandma Thea was suddenly in the words of my husband "soooo fat!"  Then miraculously she suddenly wasn't (that lucky cat;) 

I mean we hadn't been here for very long? At the time it had only been like two months!!....apparently cats are only pregnant for 58 days....live & learn folks.

At this point Kyler was still in denial about the birth of the kittens.

Kyler was going out to the garage late one evening when he yelled down stairs to me "Cate you are going to want to see this....." 

They are wiLd little kittens for sure. Never meowing only hissing....if that doesn't give you a warm fuzzy feeling I really don't know what will... :)
Two have bobbed tails a with the largest paws. They never run only scurry.

We have had more then one person comment "what the heck are those things?!"

Kyler votes that Tommy is more then a brother to those four kittens...
I think they may be part lynx!

We will go with part lynx, they should be worth a fortune!! {wink wink}
But only because I love you guys I am willing to give any one of you lucky readers all the kittens for FREE...Consider this my first giveaway!

You're welcome.

My Grandma Lewis left one heck of a legacy!

My lovely Grandma was called home yesterday. She was so loved and left one heck of legacy!! I am thrilled and get chills just thinking about her reuniting with three of her four boys that had past on before her (one being my Dad, he is the handsome man on the far left!)  I am heartbroken for my Grandpa. I took this quote off of my cousin Billy Pauls facebook page and found it so tender and beautiful.

"The most fulfilling part of my life has been taking care of her. Its hard to find meaning in what you do, everything we have done we have done together, planted a little garden, ain't gonna be no fun without her. When you get a good companion its more luck than skill and a lot of hard work in between."

Grandpa Lewis

What I will  remember about my Grandma Lewis is how she always seemed to  have butterscotch candies in her purse and was more then happy to share :)  Grandma told the very best stories as a child I would beg to hear them any time I visited with her. We all loved them.

 How her old house was always so clean and she always seemed to have a loaf of bread on the counter and in the "yellow guest room" she had puzzles and a key board that we loved to play with. The only thing she asked is that we didn't jump on the bed.....I remember not being able to resist and jumping a bit to high and all but completely shattered the flush mount light over head...with my head..She came in and I was sobbing. She smiled sweetly comforting me saying "You did a pretty good job you only missed one small piece!"  HA

She was such a talented artist and writer! She truly is an amazing person. 

When Kylers Grandma Johnson passed away a few weeks ago we sat at the services listening to the incredible life she lived. Kyler made the comment "She was such a good person and lived such a good life,.... she definitely doesn't have anything to worry about!"  

And I definitely could say the same about my sweet Grandma Lewis. I am flying out to vegas tomorrow and look forward to celebrating her life...because friends it was a good one! 

4

lady fall

Almost overnight lady fall has made her way in. But since soup and sweaters and anything that starts with pumpkin {rolls,cookie,cakes, casserole} gets my heart beating a bit faster..I am happy she is here..So without any further adieu

I would like to say...

On behalf of the great Spud State, Idaho wholeheartedly welcomes you!
Good to see you Autumn.

Even if my bathroom scale isn't quite as thrilled with her arrival I am taking comfort that my yoga pants, oversized cable knit sweaters and the most exciting of them all overalls?!?Are happy she is here. {pinterest as my source those endless array of pocket bibs are BACK)

There is something magical about Autumn that makes me want to drink cider, with a good book in hand and eat pie with reckless abandonment.

I personally am just thrilled to trade in my swim suit in for big sweaters....sweaters  don't seem to judge you for indulging in a meal that start now and ends just in time for New Years....No, sweaters speak logic...well, pumpkins are good for you, have another....chocolate does come from trees....kinda like a salad...Somebody baked those cookies for you, eating anything less then all of them would be impolite...offensive really..That has to be what I love most, she understands in a way summer clothes possibly couldn't....I think it is safe to say my love affair with Fall food is preventing Summer and I from ever really becoming BFF...Summer brings on a classic case of sessional depression ;) all coming back to swimsuits or sweaters....

Summer doesn't lend quite as well to another one of my fall wardrobe favorites:

Stretchy pants.....You no longer have to be under 5 or over 95 to wear those babies....Did she just get back from the gym....or did she just roll out of bed??....they will never know.

While I truly  look forward to all the wonderful "comforts" fall has to offer,  I am still not convinced enough to embrace the " bib overall" trend...as thrilling as it is....{I am confident my Madre is just beaming with the news...actually I called and related the memo and she totally was}

In my heart I feel that overalls were the sole reason that I was so boy-friendless in my youth.... Okay maybe bib overalls were just one of the reasons why...or possibly not to blame at all;) But I do vividly remember "sneaking" embroidered snowman overalls out of my Moms closet...I never understood why she didn't want her middle school daugters to borrow her clothes.. And you may think that they were really just in style at the time...maybe in junior high they were but quite honestly I really can't recall anyone but Candi and I wearing them all the way into our high school years....So either we were a decade ahead of our time or......


I truly have a whole arsenal of memories of why this "phenomenon" could've been.....what stands in the forefront but most definitely was not the worse contributers/offender in myrelationship status is what I like to remember  as the.."pumpkin patch incident"

My senior year my twin sister and I dressed up as pumpkins for halloween.
we were a "pumpkin patch"..Aren't teenage boys supposed to go crazy for cute things like that?!? Nope....what?

Speaking of cute things....Below are some pretty dang cute kids...just ask their Dad ;)

quotes

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.”  -Helen Keller

“You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms.”
Author: Neal A.         

Be Creative. Creative expression can also represent the celebration of our gratitude to God for our gifts and talents. -Neal A. Maxwell

when are you going to have another baby?

 

The most bewildering thing happened.

I swear when I laid Winnie down for "night night" a few weeks ago she was my baby... yet the very next morning  there was a toddler in her place! Why do my children keep doing that to me? HA She is curious, wild and so incredibly sweet. Everything a toddler should be ;)

The world must have taken notice! Out of  curosity or for conversation sake the question keeps arising of.....when we are planning on having another baby. (drum roll please)
My answer...

well...

I always look down at my feet and with a closed mouth smile....I shake my head....with a forced laugh. I will honestly say
"I am not quite sure." (with out ever uttering the reasons.)

Not quite sure because often times my head barely feels like it is above the water folks! And to think I was always the girl growing up that happily had her head in the clouds!

Now I am holding my breath treading water......watching and waiting to see if my sweet, lively little girl will keep developing at a natural pace. I love her more then air. I wasn't worried until I called her name and she didn't look.....I yelled it, then I screamed it....she never looked up. I could feel my heart sinking clear down to my toes.

But she seems SO with it?!? Then I watched a clip of Jett at her age....and so did he.

It is heart breaking to think about and even harder to talk about....so I am not even sure why  I am here writing this...when all I should be doing at this hour is eating chocolate ;)

"What if." starts creeping into my mind. What if she is like her beautiful older brother and the light in her eyes suddenly turns off for a time.....and she loses the skills that she earned that are rightfully hers?

If that were to be the case I could wear my knees out in prayer, I would  be her advocate her voice. I could be determined to be positive and upbeat....I would continue to read books and research and try to figure out why the perfect storm of genetics and environment hit our family not only once but twice?

Most of all I think I would simply miss her.....

Unlike a family that has a child with an acute illness neighbors and friends would most likely not be at our door with casseroles and well wishes. Nope we would simply be expected to "accept it" and move on....with a "it is what it is attitude." And a smile on our faces....when truthfully in my heart it feels awfully similar to a child with an acute illness in that ....the long enjoyable life you imagined for your child is in jeopardy! With not a promise that it will get better (An undetermined prognosis....)
 just that it will all be okay.

This is most definitely a very sensitive topic..
luckily

I found this well compiled list of 10 things you can do for a family with extras (and don't we all have extras in some shape of form!!) I loved every last idea!

Kyler was lying on the couch this evening and off handedly mentioned that one thing he is really grateful for is how Jetts eyes light up and he smiles so big when he sees him! I can't help but hope that is what other people notice too when they meet him and his compassionate soul! Not to brag or anything ( I totally am;)but my little Jett Johnson was named student of the week for being so compassionate to a little girl who was crying..His teacher said.he was hushing her and rubbing her back until she calmed down. :) I melted...

If your still not sure what to do prayers work friends! and that is a promise :)
We have felt them. Thank you! And yes I am soliciting for more of them....especially for my sweet little Winnie.

"Our most difficult task as a friend is to offer understanding when we don't understand." ~Robert Brault

those two

never ready to say goodbye

Kylers Grandma recently passed away. We celebrated her life last Thursday. She was ready to go and led one heck of a life!! Truly an incredible lady. I am so thrilled that after 23 years of patiently and lovingly waiting she is in the arms of the only man she had ever loved (She married Grandpa Rodger when she was 17) She was dearly loved and will be greatly missed!!

The funny thing about goodbye is were really never ready to say it.

Today on my way to drop Jett off at school....I got the most devastating news. Our sweet dog Rodger was hit by a car and killed....I am shaking writing this. My mind keeps going back to last Tuesday. I was at his first training class and I was debating if I should purchase a wireless fence...they cost quite a bit of money. Our  sweet dog had a wanderlust soul. Our fence couldn't keep him in, I took comfort that  he mostly just stayed by me. always happy to greet us and jump in the back of our rhino for a family adventure. I was planning on picking the fence for him tomorrow. But tomorrow was clearly to late...

When I let him out for a potty break he tried to get back inside....I wish I would have let him.

A few moments later I couldn't find him...our neighbor called. And said that they think Rodger may have been hit....but his tags were missing? Sadly it was him.

Their teenage son stood there helpless and awkwardly shifting his weight from leg to leg  as I bawled.

They said they got him off the road and would barrie him for us.

I can't thank them enough.

Rodger was a gift from Jetts grandpa to be his friend. What I wasn't expecting it that he would  become mine. Oh sure Jett would love to chase that dog for hours on end. But truly the biggest service he did was for my soul.

 I never have been very fond of animals (that might be social suicide admitting that;) But somehow Rodger was the exception. I loved petting him and the simple company he provided....On the hardest of day he brought comfort...when it was needed most.

And now I am sitting here thinking about.....how/when did I stop listening? I have been so "busy" and distracted that somehow I have become so out of touch with myself, my essence and the most obvious the spirit.. I have made my world around me so loud that I refused or maybe simply couldn't hear the quiet whispering....to not let him out .....

When I let my guard down, just a bit my mind was flooded with so many good intentions and amazing and horrific moments that may have happened or even been prevented if only I acted on a generous thought..... if only I was a bit more aware.

The most heartbreaking for me is realizing what I missed out on because I was to busy staring at some form of a screen to even notice the life that was happening right in front of  me. Or that stepping out of my way to show love and kindness really would have made the difference.

I am done not listening.

After all how incredible is it that God almighty would love someone as flawed as myself that has been seemingly sewn up with good intentions, enough to very personally direct, guide and at times allow me to be an instrument in his hands....

Our job is simple. Listen then act. Oh and to love deeply.

I want to be kinder then I feel. I want to be present.

"Never suppress a kind thought."-Camilla Eyring Kimball

Also: I plan to be updating this post with lost of photos soon....and I wanted to share this bit of inspiration. 

SMILE

Kyler and I see the world so differently! He gives my life order, I give him freedom. We compliment and clash (sorry folks,It isn't always milk and oreos around here.. ;) ...adding balance.

 He is my voice of reason,  I am the color to a man that is very literally color blind. For this reason alone I love to challenge him to color matching games...HA

Lately I have cried. almost every day....definitely feeling 50 shades of crazy....actually a bit overwhelmed.I asked him last night with a general curiosity more than anything...why he even loves me?... He replied rather matter of fact with "well, why not?" and smiled.

Oh that smile of his! It makes my knees weak anytime it is flashed in my direction. It has an intangible, unexplainable power over me that is completely euphoric... Taking me from angry to elated in a second flat! 

And then Kyler did one of the kindness things he ever could have done.  He gave our little boy that gorgeous unsuppressed grin of his! And my heart hasn't stopped smiling over it since!

And as far as my little sassy pants Miss Wynn Charlotte goes.....

Is it even possible to look at that little beauty below....without

SMILING??? :)

Are you smiling?

Just as I guessed. Call it mothers intuition if you will! ;)

Happy Monday friends!

Also: I am starting a digital detox today....See you lovelies next Monday. 

his voice

Like many children Jett started (pre)school. Today.  (But for children with "extra" needs.)

Like most mothers I cried. Sobbed really.

But unlike most mothers I wasn't able to ask him about his day or have him stand in front of the door with a sign that read "First day of Preschool, 2013." 

Nope, I wasn't even brave enough to drop him off. I had my husband do that. I buckled him in his car seat and told him about the wonderful day he was about to have and that I would be there to pick him up. I wondered if he had any idea or if he knew what was happening.

He and I have hardly ever been apart. After all I am his voice, his advocate. The only one that can calm him down when he is unconsolable. The one that knows that when his eyes dart back and forth that he is scared. Trains and babies are his favorite. Or that he loves to be held and squeezed and where he is most ticklish.... and that he is never more alive then when he is being chased... the world of autism doesn't even seem to exist then.

I am his mother.

I doubled checked his bags; Kleenex, diapers, crayons, sandwich...that I snuck a handful of chocolate chips into :)

I kept smiling at him and reassured him that he would do great....and I would be fine.

Did his teacher really know how long he might cry for? It could be hours. He is strong willed and stubborn. My greatest fear is changing that about him...I just want to channel it ;) 

He truly is the sweetest. Will she see that?
Is she going to know what a neat little boy he is.
But, how can you not? :)

I kissed his cheek. It was still wet from a few moments earlier. He wanted to wear his footy pajamas....Now he was getting frustrated that his hands couldn't hold all the trains he needed them to. He carefully stuck a car under his chin.

I said goodbye, have a good day. With the same inflection in my voice that I use every morning when I send Kyler off to work.

Completely handing over my trust, my little boy to the care of someone else....In hopes they could teach him and give him experiences that I am not able to.

Winnie and I didn't really know what to do with ourselves.

I cleaned while, she pulled all the cushions off the couch and asked for "jetttt."

She napped...without interruption. It was bliss!

No little boys were there to knock on her door and then invite themselves in and yell "bay-BEE..." until she prematurely woke.

My house was quiet. It was a foreign feeling. I kind of liked it. I felt guilty for enjoying it.

I wondered if I should call the school and let them know that "boo" actually meant up,down, in, out and off.

I watched the clock. It was finally 3:00!

 I was still late to pick him up.

I seemed to have missed the instructions on parallel parking in high school and had to park an extra block away. Safety first.

Then I saw him.

He gave me the sweetest half smile and jumped out of his teachers arms into mine.

Never minding that Winnie was already nuzzled on my chest.

My arms and heart were full!

His eyes were swollen, he seemed content and exhausted. He had a "rough morning."

I didn't dare ask what that entailed. I would rather not know. 

His teacher went onto tell me the highlights of his day.

That he was nervous to go down the slide but he did give the other children a gentle push on their way down. They all loved him doing that and she said they couldn't stop laughing.

She told me about how he ate really well and that snack times was his favorite. Thats my boy ;) 

Then she looked me in the eyes and asked me how I was really doing.

Jett put HIMself to bed just after six. Needless to say he was tuckered out.

I think this will be a good thing.

As my mom has said "we are about to turn corners."

Today Kyler was teasing me that I shouldn't hang up pictures because I didn't have the skills  to use are drill and laser level. Oh but I do ;) I told him not to put limits on me!

Our house is starting to come together quite swimmingly! 

 I thought of my sweet Jett and wondered who I am to ever put limits on him?!

I have a feeling that our Jett-Jett will be ROCKing preschool! 

unintentional accents...

via

(^it was the best of ideas it was the worst of ideas.... that my friends is a story for another day....ha)

Yesterday I had a friend over....I know, I know I am a good 2.5 years ahead of schedule in the ol' friend making department! When her sweet 5 year old tugged on my shirt and in the most darling country accent said

"pardon me, I have a secret to tell you." 

I bend down as she quietly whispers in my hear "I think you are really pretty!"

In that moment I just knew I would forever love that little girl! My initial reaction to a sweet compliment such as that was to hand her a bag of chocolate chips and promise her my eldest son.....;)

I couldn't help but hope that maybe my small children would grow up to have cute country accents....and a wave of panic wash over me.... I really hope the inevitable doesn't happen and me pick one up.....

I don't think I even have to explain why that wouldn't be cute....ha 

A few years ago I was in the fine state of Alabama for less then a week when "y'all" started rolling off of my tongue in conversation....what?

 I also seemed to think it was charming how so many of the ladies there refereed to you as "love."... I can't seem to break that one either.....I am now just trying to keep that endearing term to those under the age of 12....for obvious reason. The most obvious being that I grew up in Southern Oregon. 

Well' good night friends (said in the cute country accent we both know I will eventually have....so why even fight it? Right?)

Has anyone else found them self unintentionally picking up accents?  It is hard work not to.
And that is for dang sure ;)

And: Thank you Brendon VanWart for lending us all that fancy equipment! You are so COOL....I mean awesome ;)