his voice

Like many children Jett started (pre)school. Today.  (But for children with "extra" needs.)

Like most mothers I cried. Sobbed really.

But unlike most mothers I wasn't able to ask him about his day or have him stand in front of the door with a sign that read "First day of Preschool, 2013." 

Nope, I wasn't even brave enough to drop him off. I had my husband do that. I buckled him in his car seat and told him about the wonderful day he was about to have and that I would be there to pick him up. I wondered if he had any idea or if he knew what was happening.

He and I have hardly ever been apart. After all I am his voice, his advocate. The only one that can calm him down when he is unconsolable. The one that knows that when his eyes dart back and forth that he is scared. Trains and babies are his favorite. Or that he loves to be held and squeezed and where he is most ticklish.... and that he is never more alive then when he is being chased... the world of autism doesn't even seem to exist then.

I am his mother.

I doubled checked his bags; Kleenex, diapers, crayons, sandwich...that I snuck a handful of chocolate chips into :)

I kept smiling at him and reassured him that he would do great....and I would be fine.

Did his teacher really know how long he might cry for? It could be hours. He is strong willed and stubborn. My greatest fear is changing that about him...I just want to channel it ;) 

He truly is the sweetest. Will she see that?
Is she going to know what a neat little boy he is.
But, how can you not? :)

I kissed his cheek. It was still wet from a few moments earlier. He wanted to wear his footy pajamas....Now he was getting frustrated that his hands couldn't hold all the trains he needed them to. He carefully stuck a car under his chin.

I said goodbye, have a good day. With the same inflection in my voice that I use every morning when I send Kyler off to work.

Completely handing over my trust, my little boy to the care of someone else....In hopes they could teach him and give him experiences that I am not able to.

Winnie and I didn't really know what to do with ourselves.

I cleaned while, she pulled all the cushions off the couch and asked for "jetttt."

She napped...without interruption. It was bliss!

No little boys were there to knock on her door and then invite themselves in and yell "bay-BEE..." until she prematurely woke.

My house was quiet. It was a foreign feeling. I kind of liked it. I felt guilty for enjoying it.

I wondered if I should call the school and let them know that "boo" actually meant up,down, in, out and off.

I watched the clock. It was finally 3:00!

 I was still late to pick him up.

I seemed to have missed the instructions on parallel parking in high school and had to park an extra block away. Safety first.

Then I saw him.

He gave me the sweetest half smile and jumped out of his teachers arms into mine.

Never minding that Winnie was already nuzzled on my chest.

My arms and heart were full!

His eyes were swollen, he seemed content and exhausted. He had a "rough morning."

I didn't dare ask what that entailed. I would rather not know. 

His teacher went onto tell me the highlights of his day.

That he was nervous to go down the slide but he did give the other children a gentle push on their way down. They all loved him doing that and she said they couldn't stop laughing.

She told me about how he ate really well and that snack times was his favorite. Thats my boy ;) 

Then she looked me in the eyes and asked me how I was really doing.

Jett put HIMself to bed just after six. Needless to say he was tuckered out.

I think this will be a good thing.

As my mom has said "we are about to turn corners."

Today Kyler was teasing me that I shouldn't hang up pictures because I didn't have the skills  to use are drill and laser level. Oh but I do ;) I told him not to put limits on me!

Our house is starting to come together quite swimmingly! 

 I thought of my sweet Jett and wondered who I am to ever put limits on him?!

I have a feeling that our Jett-Jett will be ROCKing preschool!