never ready to say goodbye

Kylers Grandma recently passed away. We celebrated her life last Thursday. She was ready to go and led one heck of a life!! Truly an incredible lady. I am so thrilled that after 23 years of patiently and lovingly waiting she is in the arms of the only man she had ever loved (She married Grandpa Rodger when she was 17) She was dearly loved and will be greatly missed!!

The funny thing about goodbye is were really never ready to say it.

Today on my way to drop Jett off at school....I got the most devastating news. Our sweet dog Rodger was hit by a car and killed....I am shaking writing this. My mind keeps going back to last Tuesday. I was at his first training class and I was debating if I should purchase a wireless fence...they cost quite a bit of money. Our  sweet dog had a wanderlust soul. Our fence couldn't keep him in, I took comfort that  he mostly just stayed by me. always happy to greet us and jump in the back of our rhino for a family adventure. I was planning on picking the fence for him tomorrow. But tomorrow was clearly to late...

When I let him out for a potty break he tried to get back inside....I wish I would have let him.

A few moments later I couldn't find him...our neighbor called. And said that they think Rodger may have been hit....but his tags were missing? Sadly it was him.

Their teenage son stood there helpless and awkwardly shifting his weight from leg to leg  as I bawled.

They said they got him off the road and would barrie him for us.

I can't thank them enough.

Rodger was a gift from Jetts grandpa to be his friend. What I wasn't expecting it that he would  become mine. Oh sure Jett would love to chase that dog for hours on end. But truly the biggest service he did was for my soul.

 I never have been very fond of animals (that might be social suicide admitting that;) But somehow Rodger was the exception. I loved petting him and the simple company he provided....On the hardest of day he brought comfort...when it was needed most.

And now I am sitting here thinking about.....how/when did I stop listening? I have been so "busy" and distracted that somehow I have become so out of touch with myself, my essence and the most obvious the spirit.. I have made my world around me so loud that I refused or maybe simply couldn't hear the quiet whispering....to not let him out .....

When I let my guard down, just a bit my mind was flooded with so many good intentions and amazing and horrific moments that may have happened or even been prevented if only I acted on a generous thought..... if only I was a bit more aware.

The most heartbreaking for me is realizing what I missed out on because I was to busy staring at some form of a screen to even notice the life that was happening right in front of  me. Or that stepping out of my way to show love and kindness really would have made the difference.

I am done not listening.

After all how incredible is it that God almighty would love someone as flawed as myself that has been seemingly sewn up with good intentions, enough to very personally direct, guide and at times allow me to be an instrument in his hands....

Our job is simple. Listen then act. Oh and to love deeply.

I want to be kinder then I feel. I want to be present.

"Never suppress a kind thought."-Camilla Eyring Kimball

Also: I plan to be updating this post with lost of photos soon....and I wanted to share this bit of inspiration.