"I will thrive." Autism Awareness

By Cate.
It is funny how it has almost been a whole year since we realized that my sweet little guy was probably on the spectrum yet I still can't type it out with out getting that chest constricting throat tightening feeling. Sometimes I feel hopelessly optimistic and other times (like after a series of events that unfolded last week That left me feeling like my band aid had been completely ripped off.) It hurts all over again....But my little boy is so happy....so sometimes I wonder what I am so dang worried about?!

But on a way sweeter note, I am completely swooning over that autism blue ombre cake! You can find the recipe HERE...Isn't everything about that cake just so incredibly beautiful? So pretty.

&

 I can't stop watching this video. Does it get any sweeter than two best friends? It also makes my heart ache a little.

Also: check out  Mighteekids "I will thrive" shirts. Love myself a good cause. Especially one so dear to my heart.

on the market!! kinda like dating...well sorta

"Its not the house....it really is just us!" is the reason that keeps rolling off my tougue when well meaning neighbors inquire about the for sale sign staked down in our yard.It is not that I don't love my home, because I do, it really is such a great house we are just looking for different things....;)

Being "on the market" whether your a home or a person feels exactly and completely the same....well sorta!

 In January our home went under contract after only a week....it was like some amazing whirl wind romance (that was expensive and an incredible amount of work) only to get broken up with because "It didn't feel right." for them. I cried to their realtor when she "broke the news."

Now we are back in the game trying to be cautiously optimistic as we wait. The for sale sign in our yard is like a shout out to friends....and the MLS well that is like EHarmony...My days are spent cleaning....So when our homes potential suitors come knocking it looks like "Oh it always looks like this!" HA ;)

Then they come with their realtors (who are like the opinionated/obnoxious little sly brothers of the scenario....I don't even have a little brother) My sweet aunt and sister in law are excluded from that generalization!!

I had a realtor last week that kept saying "can I give you a little tip."...I wanted to give him a tip...unless it is money chances are people don't appreciate them....

After a couple leaves you are stuck stewing wondering if they liked your home or not...or if they will ever call....;)

on the flip side when your looking There are homes that aren't much from the outside....Utah is full of gems like this....got to love myself a 1970 ranch style rambler

only to look like this in the inside!! We will call this a VERY good personality ;)

Then there is the estates that are way "out of your league"

Only to be hiding red carpet and brick wall paper and the cutest behind :) not to mention the same ceiling that every elementary school from here to the great Mississippi has!

and those my friends are actual utah homes! 

soliciting for emails

My lover is a closed book....If you read this blog you know that I am not! He talked me into going private....something about keeping personal things personal.....(but candi and I have big plans for another blog;) So here I am soliciting for your emails!

happy monday

Sweet & Sassy

 

Miss Winnie you start everyday with a smile and if we are really lucky a song :) You my dear are so sweet with a bit of sass  You are wildly curious and insanely brave. Climbing up and down the stairs, off my bed, into and out of everything! You are an excellent eater....but only if you love it....if not it ends up on the floor with you yelling "NO" in the softest little voice. You adore your big brother who is just over the moon for you! Today during a meeting for Jett his teacher was trying to get him to say "Baa." You shocked us when you started Baaaing :) :) and then went over and started putting shapes in the shape sorter!! I have always said that you my Wynn-Bug were exactly what our little family needed. You are so bright, and clever and even sweeter. My little love everyone that has seen you and your big brother interact feel that you my sweet have been essential if not key inhis journey to recovery! You are just a baby but I am so thankful for that..for you :)

love mama

For fun here is a side by side comparison of you two both at  10 months! Family, friends and strangers tell me you two look just a like....I think they are on to something :)

THAT's MY BOY!!!

 This is a little note to every person that has felt his sweetness or laughed at his silliness. Who cried with me in our most vulnerable moments.

 I have some good news! My son is changing in the very best kind of way! 

Today we had the same evaluation we did six months ago...the one that left me breathless, full of anguish, guilt and so very scared.....where they didn't even ask every questions...it must have been so dang obvious how hard it was for me to utter a simple "nope....he can't do that quite yet."

But today...well today...:)

Today my heart was chanting  and singing "thats my boy!!!" every time I answered "Yes!" I mean of course he can look you in the eye and share his toys. Why yes he loves to be around other children....it is practically a favorite past time of his...along with undressing himself for his bath...That is actually his 3rd peanut butter and jelly sandwich today...(he pointed to everything he wanted:) If you want me to ask him to bring me my shoes he will come out with my red stilettos....If you ask him to bring out his babies shoes winnie will end up in pink socks....He brings rain boots for himself and my yellow wedges for his Dad ;) pretty much every single time....I am in love with that. As cute as it is...it is even a bigger deal that he understands with the complexity of it all...He is tender hearted, reflective and a bit silly at times....He is my definition of sweetness with a touch of stubbornness....and can be oh so very serious!! yet so so happy!

I mean those eyebrow!!!.....makes me a grown women...his mother for goodness sakes stop dead in my tracks  every single  time...;)

We adore him! Every single bit of him!

THAT's  MY BOY!!!!!

*It is clear where my son gets his dashing good looks from.......definitely my side..;) HA

six cubes of butter

We have had lots of visitors as of late! It is incredible how the more bodies there are the more my home feels alive! It is like breathing life into a house!  With all the playing that has taken place the last several weeks my poor camera has been long forgotten!

 Until...my sweet nieces discovered our costume box :)  And I couldn't resist!

Kyler and I made our first triple decker cake! It was heavenly and had six cube of butter (butter is our families favorite food group....so that just seemed perfect ;) That baby weighed more than a small toddler! 

Some left our  house with cake and donuts.... but most left our home with the worst kind of stomach flu!! I really feel bad about that one!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

And for those in the mood for a little death by chocolate you can find the recipe to that heavenly cake here and the creamy frosting here! We added cream cheese and pecans to the frosting...just in case we needed more calories ;)....plus I am confident that chocolate + cream cheese= our Father in Heavens gift to women that and Blake Shelton.....;) :) :)

balm for my soul

The last few months have been a bit rocky. I repeatedly have told myself to stop looking from side to side for answers and start looking up... I have wanted nothing more than to be closer to family. I fell hard for the idea of my children growing up in a little farm house in the country surrounded by cousins and summers spent eating ice-cream floats at their Grandmothers house. 

Boise seemed like a perfect marriage between Utah and Oregon. Within weeks of making our decision our house was sold with the strong possibility of an exciting new career. Everything seemed to be falling into place...until it completely fell apart!. Finding myself repeatedly telling my loved ones that it "was in the lords hands anyway." Wondering if I truly believed it? I cried my share of bitter tears. Kyler and I have been so nomadic, our restless souls never wanting  to settle down. Even in our wonderful home {that we bought saying forever}in our sleepy little neighborhood I haven't been able to shake the feeling that I we were just camping..... for the past 3 years ..never willing to call this great State home. Not daring to put down roots...

Then something happened. Finally my stubborn soul surrendered and I remembered something that my Mom said to me "the greatest thing we can say at an end of a prayer is Thy will be done....and mean it!" As soon as I said those words it was like a balm for my soul. I started falling in love with the beehive state. The mountains never seemed more impressive!

 

The feeling of gratitude poured out like honey. I could feel gratitude saving me. I felt excited to take part in everything I wanted to take part in before.. but never really allowed myself...after all it would have only made leaving harder... And ashamed. How did I not see everything I had before?  Why couldn't I trust his plan sooner. I could have saved myself and my little family the heart ache of never allowing ourselves the sweet peace of contentment? I mean it was never "if" we moved home it was always "when." Kyler told me that all he has ever wanted was for me is to be happy. Kyler if you are reading this I am happy.

This life is delicate and beautiful and oh so difficult at times. Even with the clumsy mess I seem to make of it :) I am in love with it.

 I am definitely embarrassed with how many dreams and goals and elaborate intentions I have shared on this blog...only to give up shortly after. But you know what they say "the smallest good deed is better than the grandest intentions!" I am better for sharing my hopes and dreams and shortcomings. I have missed writing on here. 

With the coming of spring and flowers blossoming and birds singing I can hear the little voice in my mind speaking louder reminding me that everything I have ever wanted is wanting me back and that I can be the person I would like to be... One. day . at . a . time.. I am thankful for the renewal  that spring brings. I am all about second chances ;)

I realized that all I have ever needed to be is the very best version of myself. There is so much that is not in my hands. I am learning to accept that. But there is so much that is!! I am thrilled about that. I CAN be one of those ladies with a tidy home and a fit body and who just shines with the light of Christ!! It is a choice....and I am grateful that it is mine ;)

Hope your spring if full of less cleaning and more breaks ;) It really does feel so good to be writing again :)

*My way to awesome older sister wrote this about "when we wait to be perfect we wait to long." She is such a talented writer and wise beyond her years...and that it was exactly what I needed to hear! Love that..Love her.