when are you going to have another baby?

 

The most bewildering thing happened.

I swear when I laid Winnie down for "night night" a few weeks ago she was my baby... yet the very next morning  there was a toddler in her place! Why do my children keep doing that to me? HA She is curious, wild and so incredibly sweet. Everything a toddler should be ;)

The world must have taken notice! Out of  curosity or for conversation sake the question keeps arising of.....when we are planning on having another baby. (drum roll please)
My answer...

well...

I always look down at my feet and with a closed mouth smile....I shake my head....with a forced laugh. I will honestly say
"I am not quite sure." (with out ever uttering the reasons.)

Not quite sure because often times my head barely feels like it is above the water folks! And to think I was always the girl growing up that happily had her head in the clouds!

Now I am holding my breath treading water......watching and waiting to see if my sweet, lively little girl will keep developing at a natural pace. I love her more then air. I wasn't worried until I called her name and she didn't look.....I yelled it, then I screamed it....she never looked up. I could feel my heart sinking clear down to my toes.

But she seems SO with it?!? Then I watched a clip of Jett at her age....and so did he.

It is heart breaking to think about and even harder to talk about....so I am not even sure why  I am here writing this...when all I should be doing at this hour is eating chocolate ;)

"What if." starts creeping into my mind. What if she is like her beautiful older brother and the light in her eyes suddenly turns off for a time.....and she loses the skills that she earned that are rightfully hers?

If that were to be the case I could wear my knees out in prayer, I would  be her advocate her voice. I could be determined to be positive and upbeat....I would continue to read books and research and try to figure out why the perfect storm of genetics and environment hit our family not only once but twice?

Most of all I think I would simply miss her.....

Unlike a family that has a child with an acute illness neighbors and friends would most likely not be at our door with casseroles and well wishes. Nope we would simply be expected to "accept it" and move on....with a "it is what it is attitude." And a smile on our faces....when truthfully in my heart it feels awfully similar to a child with an acute illness in that ....the long enjoyable life you imagined for your child is in jeopardy! With not a promise that it will get better (An undetermined prognosis....)
 just that it will all be okay.

This is most definitely a very sensitive topic..
luckily

I found this well compiled list of 10 things you can do for a family with extras (and don't we all have extras in some shape of form!!) I loved every last idea!

Kyler was lying on the couch this evening and off handedly mentioned that one thing he is really grateful for is how Jetts eyes light up and he smiles so big when he sees him! I can't help but hope that is what other people notice too when they meet him and his compassionate soul! Not to brag or anything ( I totally am;)but my little Jett Johnson was named student of the week for being so compassionate to a little girl who was crying..His teacher said.he was hushing her and rubbing her back until she calmed down. :) I melted...

If your still not sure what to do prayers work friends! and that is a promise :)
We have felt them. Thank you! And yes I am soliciting for more of them....especially for my sweet little Winnie.

"Our most difficult task as a friend is to offer understanding when we don't understand." ~Robert Brault