creating beautiful things...

Last week (thanks to my older sister Ginny) I had the opportunity to attend a 3 day photography retreat taught by the lovely Nicole V. It was nothing short of incredible! I would come home at night with my head spinning with all the information I now had at my finger tips! I loved every second of it! 

I have been recklessly flirting with the idea of starting my own photography company for a few years now, but have yet to really do more than get my toes wet. I am getting closer to completely diving in! More details soon. 

So why have I waited until now to pursue my passion? In college I took two very basic photography classes and was told by both professors that I didn't seem to quite have what it would take. Never one to argue with  a professor, I believed them.....luckily that same older sister convinced me to pick up my camera again after I swore I would never hear the click from that shutter again....A darling little boy and wanting better photos for my blog definitely put fire to her encouragement! Like always my next biggest obstacle would be myself.

I have had a crippling fear of creating.....why? Because I  have always known with a certainty that  if my ideas were to be placed in someone else gifted hands the results would be nearly flawless. I live in fear of what a project could have been.... For so long I have been  frustrated with the seemingly large gap between my ideas and the actual execution of those "great" ideas. 

It feels invigorating to admit that out loud.

I can't help but go back to my sophomore year of high school sitting in the passenger seat of my Madre car, plagued with extremely low self esteem. I sobbed as I told her that I felt like I would never be pretty, smart or simply good enough......to ever deserve to be loved (poor dramatic 16 year old me ;) First off I am sorry Madre! How horrible it must have been to have your daughter think so poorly of herself? I will never forget what she said to me " you will always find someone that you find prettier and smarter than you, but that doesn't make you ANY less pretty or smart!" If only the boys in my high school could have seen me the way my Madre and Grandma did..HA. She talked about not comparing ourselves because we will never feel like we quite match up. She planted in me the desire to become the very best version of myself. Again I feel a huge gap between the idea and execution.....but the desire is still there...

check out the lovely models from the retreat!

I decided that these hands of mine are capable of making beautiful things. Imperfect and all. Who am I to deprive the world of that? ;) Who am I not to see exactly what I am capable of, even with the very real chance of failing from time to time......some how failure seems far less heartbreaking than the alternative of..... never knowing. 

Sorry this post ended up being a lot longer and deeper then I had anticipated but we will just roll with it...

Have a Happy Wednesday! 

p.s. I have some exciting news! My little Misters birth story was published on A Birth Story Blog and on the website Spearmint Baby!!

I am linking up with things you can't say