when my children were born so was I

When my children were born so was I.  I am a devoted mother wearing the title of Mother proudly around my neck (and stomach, hips and thighs...;) That title has come with the sweetest euphoric experiences completing us. The one time in our lives where we love someone more than ourselves, where we love uncongionaly and get to hold perfection (that friends is the reason we sign up to parent!) only to be deeply contrasted with the feeling that my knees are shaking  ready to give out simple because carrying the weight of mother around my neck feels like more than I can bare.... The moment that a child becomes yours is like someone branding "Mother" on your forehead it has a way of intensifying every emotion you have ever felt and questioning every decision you have ever made. Making your child never far from your thoughts.

I have the sweetest little boy with Autism. Watching my son change regress so quickly felt like a death in so many ways. The life we once knew disappeared and we were suddenly thrown into a world that is both beautiful and heartbreaking. Never choosing it but not wanting or willing to change his uninhibited spirit either. Because in the words of Fiona Goldsworthy "Autism is hard but loving him is easy."

Motherhood is hard, Loving them is easy.

Somedays I am brave. I handle the tantrums that come with the simple things that most parents might not even think about with grace and ease that shocks even me.