Every single person has challenges. Most every person I can think of has challenges far greater than mine. I realize that, every part of my heart breaks for them...but sometimes in my most vulnerable moments that sentiment is a hard one to hold onto for comfort...Its like jumping into a cold river on a sunny day and even though you know people have fell into ice water in the dead of winter...it doesn't stop you from shivering.
Here I am living a charmed life full of wonderful people that is continuously being sprinkled with incredible blessings. Watching our Heavenly Fathers hand in my life and yet still hoping and wondering if he loves me as an individual....or am I worth loving??.....I mean after all there are billions of other souls that are likely more deserving of the love of God. Do I matter to him? Don't get me wrong I KNOW he loves me. But does he Love ME. Every single time I bear my testimony I bear it on the power of the atonement and how if we were the only person in need of it our brother and Savior would have still performed it....
Then lately I have been finding myself searching my heart wondering if I truly believed it....
The last few months I have been walking though my own personal refining fire. Feeling completely confused.....begging our Father in Heaven for the sweet peace,comfort and direction that only he could bring.
The only thing I have felt constantly has been "conflicting emotions".....In some moments I felt like I was losing everything that I hold dear to me. Limbo is not my favorite place to be. Either is being stagnant or unsettled.
My heart has been crying out "where art thou?? please comfort me!!....I need thee!! What would thou have me do?
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