That time I shamefully cried in public

By Cate

I am always anxious before doctor appointments, I always feel on the edge about immunization.  Is it a necessary evil or am I harming my child? My peditrician whom I adore assured me it wasn't the latter. Today I braved the frosty weather and loaded my two small children up for Winnies well check. She was smiling and flirting with the doctor when he announced she had a double ear infections! What? She is so sweet and way beyond pleasant!  He motioned for the highschool boy who was shadowing him to take a look in her ear, I thought he was talking to me and took a look, It did look super red. And it is always embarrassing the moment you realize that it wasn't an invitation for me to look..

Jett was having a full blown panic attack simply being at the doctors and slowly calmed down when he realized his baby sister was the one that would be getting poked and prodded. Then he found a book with a "choo choo" on it and was content to simply be.

Winnie didn't handle her shots very well (holy smokes I can't even blame her) I mentally chastised myself as I got her dressed for getting her so dressed up for the doctors and stuffed her sparkly tights, bows and tutu in my backpack. and put on some comfy pants and a sweater. I could see Jett out of the corner of my eye trying to stuff the doctors office "choo choo book into my bag. Instead he tried to carry it out with him. I tried to grab it and suddenly he was out the door. I put on a pair of pants that fit a few weeks ago and now make me walk funny (reason 103 to keep up on your wash) Winnie was screaming and now Jett was on the floor hysterical banging his head on the hard cement floor. I could feel two inches of my bum showing and there was nothing I could do about it!

I grabbed a nurse and handed her winnie and got a firm hold of my squirmy Little guy and went down the elevator holding both of my children on my hips. We reached the main level and Jett slipped out of my hands. I kept thinking why did I wear these pants? Every time I bent down I new they were going to rip....I nearly tripped over Jett. By this time I am crying!

People walk by us trying not to stare. As I shamefully stood there crying. A gentleman wearing a red tank top and sporting a mullet offered to help and tried to pick up Jett. I am sure he was the nicest man in the world but bringing a strange man with me and my small children out into a parking garage never seems like a good idea. It must not have seemed like a good idea to Jett either because his tantrum escalated as soon as that man touched him....so the man just walked away.

I offered up a silent prayer. Just then a women walks out she said "she just had a feeling" and rescues us. I hand her Winnie and wrangle up Jett. I don't say anything as she follows me out to my Van. I just cried. When I finally did speak I told her she has a double ear infections and got a whole slew of shots and he is on the  autism spectrum......She was a single mother and her son was about Jetts age and has aspergers. She gave me a hug and  we both stood there crying. She said just do what you can do! It will get better.

By the time we arrived home the baby had fallen asleep and Jett sat on my lap finishing my grilled cheese sandwich, feeding me the crust. That is his least favorite part. He smiled and gave me lots of little loves.

I felt happy and at peace. I was grateful that Heavenly Father sent an angel for me. He is mindful of us.

And nothing has ever made me feel as bipolar as motherhood has...I have moments during the day where I feel like "Super Mom" only for the next second to feel like a "Super Awful Mom." But I signed up for this and I have no choice but to embrace the divinity of it all. Even the unglamorous moments..I truly am so smitten with my children..even when they are acting a bit naughty!

The moral of the story is to wear yoga pants where ever you go!

Lessoned learned!