finding out we were pregnant

I have been hoping to get pregnant....well really ever sense...the day Kyler and I were married ; ) I realized I am not a very patient person! I am embarassed to admit that the last few months were somewhat hard every time I got a negative result I would be devestated. I would feel so horrible about being sad because their are SOO many women who have been trying relentlessly for years and never had the desire of their hearts awnsered.....who was I to be so sad after only a few months of trying?? But regardless I was. All month I would look foward to the end of the month and ievtably take a pregnancy test way before I should have...the cheap Equate test did not even have to think before they showed only one pink line

The last few weeks It seems like everybody from beloved family members to perfect strangers have looked at my belly and with a knowing smile have commented "your life will never be the same." Every time I here that statement I am taken back to my wedding day, walking out of the temple hand and hand, a young bride not knowing fully what to expect from marriage and wondering how I would do as a wife. Fully aware that hardship and trials would undoubtedly come our way but excited and even anxious to start my life with the man I was head over heels in love with.

15 months later on October 25, 2009 just before 6:00 A.M. is when my life "would truly never be the same" I had been taking pregnancy test for months now and was always irritated how quickly one solo pink line would appear, they never took more than a few seconds to decide that my dream of becoming a mother would not yet be realized. I hated "living" for the end of every month in anxious anticipation only to be disappointed yet again.

My heart sincerely and truly goes out to all of those mothers in waiting who are constantly wondering when they will have their turn at motherhood or even why they haven't been given the opportunity quite yet. And to all the women who have to fein excitement when friends get pregnant so "effortlessly" without "even trying." I only had a very, very small taste of this and all though I new I was not justified in complaining because of all the sweet women who have had to wait years and not just a couple of mere months it still hurts...I firmly believe that the unknown can and normally is by far the hardest part.

For the first time since last June I was convinced that I was not pregnant but Kyler thought otherwise he ran down to Walmart and bought me some more pregnancy tests. I remember being excited to try the Clear-blue brand that would give me an electronic reading instead of Walmarts equate that never took the time to decide before it read with one solo pink line. Kyler and I woke up early and he handed me a test. I quickly grabbed it just wanting to get it over with determined that no matter the results this month I would have a better attitude. It took a full three minutes (but felt like ten) before the test gave us the results that we were looking for would for ever change our lives. I watched the pregnancy test in my hand suspiciously as a little time clock went around and around. I held my breath while my mind started racing with thoughts like "am I???" "no I am sure I am not....but what if" I was suddenly overcome with emotions....and then the little time clock stopped and it simply read pregnant.

I blinked quite a few times making sure I had read it correctly. Tears of relief, fear and joy streamed down my face. I quickly ran out of the bathroom looking as haggard as ever (ya not how I imagined telling my hubby) and stopped mid step and just stood their while he reached for the results that would explain if my tears were tears of joy or sadness. He instantly took a giant step and pulled me into his arms hugged me tightly and with a broad smile he said those all to familar words "Our lives will never be the same." I just cried.

Our life would never be the same like a young bride I was faced yet again with a new definition of myself and that was mother...I feel so young and naive but thrilled with the what the future will hold for our forever family in the making.